Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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