Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize