Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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