its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
