you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
