So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
