Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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