Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
