I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
not ubering you a puppy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
