Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
