I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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