I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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