I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
