Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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