he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
