Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
