Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
