ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
