Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize