lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
