Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
