"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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