Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
