Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
