I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
