Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
