if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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