No stitches, just platelets and will power
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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