4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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