I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
