i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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