And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
