The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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