Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I want to have your abortion
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
