mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
