I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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