There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How naked do you want me to be?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
