If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
