Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
