just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
