we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
