better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
