You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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