Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
