a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
