who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize