ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
