He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
