update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
