just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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