I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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