I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
