He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
