Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
