Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I AM VODKA MAN
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
