so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
