i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
