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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize