he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
