The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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