Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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