That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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