Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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