I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
