GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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