Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
