Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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