Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize