guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize