So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
