I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize