You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
