If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
