please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize