apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
