Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
