I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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