IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
