PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize