he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
