This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
