3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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