put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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