They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
